The Truth About My Absence

Dun - dun - duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Sounds so dramatic, I know. But it's pretty simple. And I'm a little embarrassed to admit it...

You might have noticed that me falling off the blogging cliff somewhat coincided with me switching jobs. Let's be honest here, my last job was cake. I was pretty much on auto-pilot. Could I have been doing more? Probably Totally. Was anyone noticing what I was doing, asking for a deliverable, or giving me assignments? No. To be honest, I spent a VERY LARGE portion of my time on facebook, reading blogs, and writing my own posts. It was so easy to pull pics from Facebook and my phone to whip up a quick post for the world to read.

But then one day, my picasa space was full (GASP!!) and I wasn't about to pay for more.  So I did some asking around and found that photobucket was the go-to for some of my blogging friends, and since I already had an account, that was the route I chose.  I started to notice that my work computer didn't like photobucket so much, so I had to usually put everything on there from my iPad, then put all of the links into the blog via my iPad, save the post, then go on the computer and format and write.  Such a huge pain in the ass.  I'm all about quick and efficient and this wasn't making blogging easy for me.

Fast forward to the new job.  Lot's to learn, lots to do, and lots of time-sensitive deliverables.  I was enjoying being busy, but not really enjoying the lack of time I had for blogging.  All social media sites are also blocked which is a blessing and a curse.  Helps with the time management, but leaves me with less time to cyber-stalk and keep up on the lives of people I never talk to....

I also can't access photobucket...

I don't have a lot of time outside of work with my schedule looking something like this on a daily basis:

6am 7am - Wake-up
9am - 5:30pm - Work
6:30 - 7:30pm - Crossfit
8pm - Dinner/shower/nurture marriage
10/10:30pm - Bed

On the weekends I am either out living life or maxin/relaxin at home and the thought of putting together a blog post seems like more work/time than I am willing to invest.  I mean, it's not like I don't have anything to blog about.  I could tell you about:

• The most amazing, hopefully not once-in-a-lifetime vacation we took
• My niece who is growing so fast!
• My first exercise-related injury
• Returning from the 6.5 weeks of workouts I missed due to vacation/injury
• My obsession with Pitch Perfect/Skylar Astin
• My impromptu, spur-of-the-moment trip to visit my Ravey-Poo
• And the rest of our fun-filled summer

So if anyone has any suggestions for an easier way to host/post pics and write blogs that would be fantastic.  Otherwise I will be posting mostly words and no pics if I do post at all.

Also, I need a serious redesign around here, so suggestions are welcome on that as well.

Thanks!!

P.S. Use the button at the top right of my bloggity to follow me on bloglovin'.  You know, in case I do ever decide to write another blog post, you won't miss it.

Okay, Who Stole It???

I have searched high and low to no avail, so I am convinced someone stole my motivation.  Was it one of you beezies?  The ones who have kept going throughout the year with nothing stopping them or standing in their way?  Cuz it sure as hell ain't with me.

I bet if I read back through my posts and made a scatter graph, I could chart my cyclical motivation and lack there of.  I had a whole post planned in my head, but then I read THIS from Kristin over at My Mission Impossible and figured, well, this is exactly what I was going to say so I will just ask her if I can link to it in my blog.  She said yes.  Please, GO.  Read it.  I'll wait....

I found Kristin's blog because it was posted on Jamie Eason's facebook page.  Kristin did the Live Fit Trainer just like I did tried to.  To be fair to myself, I did get through the first 9 weeks of 12.  You can read more about that here, here, and here.  Stupid me, I never took pictures of what happened to my body after I finished the second phase and then fell off one week into the 3rd.  After I stopped working out was when I noticed the biggest changes in my body.  If I had pictures to look back on now, I would probably be more motivated to get back there.

Regardless, I am going to greece in FIVE MONTHS!!  And I know it's going to take a lot of work in that time to get where I would like to be.  The other hitch is that tax season starts this week (I have my first shift tonight) so if I don't start getting up in the mornings to do something, I am going to miss out on a lot of opportunities.

Kristin suggested I think about why I started the Live Fit Trainer in the first place.  I love the fact that it laid out day by day, exercise by exercise, how much cardio and when.  That's the kind of detail I need in my workout plan in order to get my ass in gear.  I actually just had this conversation with JB the other night.  Knowing is half the battle, amiright?

I also went from spending 90 minutes in the gym, 6 days a week, to telling myself I can get the same results with a 20-30 min intense workout, 5 times a week.  But then that 5 times turned into 3 and then none...I have spent the last 6-9 months without a solid workout plan and then add in the booze and lack of consistent nutrition and we are not in a good place people. 

I have the sads.

This is going to sound so ridiculous, but at least once a month (yes, usually right around that time), I have a major breakdown about my body.  I think terrible thoughts about myself and am so disappointed and I just cry.  It sucks.  I also tend to have major food guilt.  Don't worry, I have never had any sort of eating disorder and I don't harm myself or anything, I just have a good pity party and get on with it.

I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed in this area because I am so public about fitness and good nutrition choices here on the blog, on FB and Twitter.  It's a good way to hold yourself accountable, but it's a good way to let yourself down too.  I think everyone needs a break every once in a while, but keeping those goals nearby and in sight is a good practice as well.

I don't think I will be doing the Live Fit Trainer again right now, but now that I have dug into what I need to get back on track, I can work on putting something into place that works for me.

Did some beezy steal your motivation too?  How are you planning to get back on the wagon?

Inspire Me: Healthy v:4

I know we are probably in week 6 for this link-up, but due to meetings and trips out of town, I was unable to get my posts together for the last couple of weeks. 

I was visiting friends in SoCal last weekend (a whole post in itself) and I have a Vegas trip next weekend which has led me out on a few shopping excursions lately.  First of all, I SUCK at shopping and fashion, so I already dread going shopping.  And the fact that I am not where I would like to be fitness-wise makes it even more challenging.  Last week I had to buy a new pair of work pants in a bigger size, so that's awesome.  Then I went to Macy's and couldn't find any clothes between teeny-bopper slut and grandma styles.  Where do they hide the "classy, grown-up beezy that likes to still work it" clothing?

Anywho...

Last week's shopping excursion left me feeling less than stellar about myself and last night's encore was no better.  Add to that the fact that I wore a size 6 skirt yesterday that used to look amazing on me, but for the entire day I had it unhooked and unzipped because it was cutting off the circulation to the rest of my body.  No bueno.  I cried the entire ride home and tried to fix my face before I walked in the door because I didn't want hubs to see me like that 2 weeks in a row.  Unfortunately he could tell and then decided to hug me.

Wrong move, sucka.

I basically started sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe and telling him how I have never been this unhappy with my body for this long.  Usually I just start working out and eating right again and I start to feel better, but it's not working.  The entire month of August I worked out at least 4 days a week and was eating right and I don't feel better.  I don't feel tighter.  I'm not seeing changes.  My pants are still uncomfortable.  It's so annoying.  I feel like I'm not doing enough.  I want to maximize my workouts to get the most effort out of the least amount of time, but I just feel like it's not enough.

So I decided that my post today would be about motivation.  I mentioned before that it takes time.  I usually start seeing noticeable changes after about 3 months.  This is a perfect example since I am one month into it and frustrated to meltdown status.  I feel like what I am doing is not working.  It's hard to keep the goal in perspective because all I can think about is the fact that nothing is changing yet.

This time around for me, JB is my motivation.  Being a fitness professional, his insight is actually helpful in these situations.  Guys are known to be fixers.  When girls start freaking out about their body image, guys don't usually know what to do.  The fact that he knows what to do makes the fact that he wants to help fix this situation a lot easier for both of us.

After I had calmed down a bit, he asked me some questions that helped us get to a solution.  I told him some of my concerns regarding foods and my workouts and the gym.  I am going to start logging what I eat, not for calorie purposes, but to see how I feel when I eat them (am I tired, bloated, energetic, etc), and we set a goal to work out 20 times in the remaining 25 days of the month.  Knowing that I am starting up some evening classes again and that I am out of town (and most likely out of commission) for a few days of that tells me that I need to work out twice some days. 

JB and I got up early together this morning and knocked out a good workout and I plan to go to a class at the gym after work or do a body rock workout at home.  This weekend we are going to go shopping and fill up the house with lots of good food and do some food prep on Sunday during football.  The main reason the Live Fit Trainer worked so well for me is that I was consistent.  And because I was consistent with my workouts, I wanted to fuel my body appropriately, so I did the prep work necessary to get that done.  I need to get back to those roots and get it done.  Once I get where I want to be, the once daily body rock workouts will be enough to maintian.  I feel good about the goal for September and love that JB is so supportive.  I feel like my mind is in the right place again and the goal is on the horizon.

How do you keep going when you get frustrated that you aren't seeing results?

Wow...

Over half way through the year and I have 14 whole blog posts in 2012.  That, my friends, is sad. 

For one, I want to know where the hell this year ran off to.  And second, why have I been so un-motivated to blog, read blogs, comment on blogs, and connect with the friends I was starting to make in the blogosphere?

I think one of the reasons is that when I changed my domain name, I stopped showing up in people's readers, no matter what I tried.  The fact that I was suddenly writing for basically no one to read didn't really give me the get-up-and-go to blog about life's happenings.

I would like to say I am ready to return, but I'm feeling a little non-committal.  Maybe I could write a post about our recent anniversary trip to Bodega Bay?  That would probably remind me that I never finished blogging our wedding photos OR our honeymoon pics.  You guys have absolutely no idea what we did on our honeymoon.  Well, aside from what I mentioned.  I'll have to think about that and get back to you...

Can you do me a favor?  If this showed up in your reader, can you please leave me a comment?  I swear I am not just whoring myself out for comments to feel special and get motivated to blog again, I would just really like to figure out if it shows up and if not, I want to figure out how to fix it.  I would love you bunches for it :)

I hope everyone has a great weekend!  Well, only the people who haven't been on vacation all week.  Those people have had enough good times for the week.  Those of you that worked every day but 4th of July, YOU have a good weekend!

Don't forget to leave me a comment!  Thanks!

Just Another Manic Monday...

Whoooooaaaaa Whooooooaaaaaa!

First off, I want to say hello to all the new faces around here!  It is still crazy to me that people I don't know care so much about what I have to ramble about, but I love you all the same!  Apologies in advance for the less than riveting post you are about to read.  I hope you'll stick around after this...

I have been in a serious blogging funk lately.  In case you haven't noticed I get this super amped up motivation and post every day for a WHOLE WEEK and then nothing for like 2 weeks....or a month...

Whateva, whateva, I do what I want!

To be honest, I am just not feelin' it right now.  I finally let happen what I swore I wouldn't.  I got sucked in and let another blogger get me down.  I have also spent the past couple of weeks reading Christmas recaps and New Year's Resolutions and I barely had the energy to read them, let alone recap my own.  I'm just not feelin' it folks.  I love you all and want to read about your holidays, but since I only get to read like once a week, a thousand recaps and resolutions posts in a row were a bit redundant and overwhelming.  It's pretty obvious why I follow the blogs I do though, because they are all very similar :)

Tax season has begun so I worked all weekend.  Seriously ALL WEEKEND.  7 hours on Saturday and 8 hours on Sunday.  So today doesn't even really feel like a Monday.  I have the next couple of weekends off for various reasons, but I am pretty much working all but one weekend in February.  The good thing about a seasonal job is that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel so it doesn't really seem so bad.  Plus, I'm making that money, YA HEARD?  If you know anyone in the Sacramento, CA area that is looking for a tax professional, send them my way!

I know we only had our honeymoon 6 months ago, but I am seriously having vacation withdrawals.  I think it's because we did Europe instead of sitting on the beach with a drink in our hand getting couples massages.  I'm not really complaining about going to Europe, but I am itching for a paradise fix in a bad way!  It doesn't really help that everyone is posting about their winter vacations to tropical destinations and cruises.  It also doesn't help that I don't see anything like that in our near or distant future.  Booooooo!

I have worked out a handful of times since the end of October.  I went from working out 6 days a week, to working out like 6 times in 2 months.  I don't know what it is, but I need to get my mojo back.  I really enjoy being able to head straight home after work, but I don't like feeling like a fitness slacker.  I keep saying I am going to get up and go in the morning, but my get up and go won't get out of bed.  Bitch.

I don't do resolutions, but I do to-do lists, so here's mine:

• Finish wedding and honeymoon recaps before June.  If we have a year to get Thank You cards out, we should have a year to get the recap posts up too.
• Get my fitness mojo back.  Before I know it, it will be bathing suit season.  Luckily my eating habits haven't changed from when I was working out, so I am not packing on the pounds that winter usually brings.
• Remember why I started blogging in the first place, which was to keep friends and family updated on my life and keep a log of memories and milestones.
• Work harder to avoid comparing myself to others.  I can only control myself and my situation, so none of the other stuff matters.

I hope your year is off to a stellar start!!!  Maybe I should use it as a reset button for the ol' bloggy blog.  Let's see what 2012 brings!!

Birthday Blues

With my 30th birthday officially less than 3 months away, I am starting to get a little blue about it.  Not the fact that I am turning 30, because really I still feel like a kid most of the time (and my 30s are going to be awesome!), but the fact that I have no idea how to celebrate it.  A few things come into play here:

• My birthday is on Christmas Day, so obviously it has to take place on a day other than my actual birthday
• Every weekend in December is filled with holiday parties and family gatherings for everyone I know, including me.
• The weekend after my birthday is always New Year's and no one is around for that either
• JB's birthday is the 13th of January, and let's be honest, even though I love him, 30 is not a birthday I want to share with someone else (unless maybe it was another friend who was turning 30).
• We are pretty much working with a non-existent budget
• As much as I love the hubs, he's probably not thinking about any of this stuff yet, if he will at all.  But if he does, I don't want to step all over his plans because I need something to plan and I don't want to spend my 30th like I spent my 21st (in a sports bar with my BF at the time sharing a pitcher of Coors Light while watching the Kings/Lakers game on tv.  Granted it was the only thing open on Christmas Day... and I got a free bday drink.)

So, friends/readers, what are your thoughts here?  Do I wait and hope the hubs plans something for me?  Plan something myself?  Talk to him so we can plan it together and make sure all of these things are factored in?  And then what do I do for the actual celebration, given it will be mid-2012 by the time it even happens?

Help!!!

***************************UPDATE********************************

Thanks for your feedback on this!!  I talked to the hubs last night and he said, "Funny you mentioned it because I actually have been thinking about it."  I told him that it would mean so much more if he planned something for me for my bithday and he asked if I had a preference between something with just us or with all of my friends.  I told him that either way I would be happy, but if he did do something with just us, we could always have a joint celebration around his birthday a few weeks later at our house or something.

Yay!!  No more birthday blues for this girl!!!  Now I just have to wait 3 months to find out what it is.  LOL!

Sick Days

Out of nowhere I got blindsided with a virus. I have held out through the last few times JB got really sick, but somehow this one managed to take hold. It seriously came out of nowhere. I felt fine the day of the super bowl and the next morning when I woke up, but I felt myself deteriorating on the drive to work and ended up heading home at lunch time. JB was down and out on Sunday and was already home sick for the day when I got home. We were both home sick yesterday, although he was on his way back up and I was just getting started in my hole of miserableness. Today he went back to work and I stayed home suffering alone. I took my first shower in over 48 hours and it sucked the life out of me, so I basically laid on the couch for the rest of the day. I think I am finally coming out of it though and should be returning to work tomorrow.

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

The last thing I want to do is waste all of my honeymoon time on being sick. I need it for my tour of Europe, duh. Also, it's almost NBA All Star weekend, which also happens to be the weekend before Valentine's Day. I am hoping that we will be joining our friends at our favorite local winery for their wine and chocolate event.

What do you have planned for Valentine's Day?

Bleh

I keep wanting to blog, but it seems I have no drive to do anything these days. I don't feel like getting up in the morning, doing much of anything at work, working out after work, or really anything at all. I am not sure if all the planning, shopping, cleaning, prepping, entertaining of the housewarming (which was a huge success) took it out of me, or if there is something else going on.

Yesterday I felt like crap after the horrible lunch I ate (no, I don't want to talk about it). After I got back to work I had a stomachache and a headache to the point where I left work at 3pm. I got home around 4 and laid down in my cozy bed. JB was at work, so I actually had the house to myself for once. I read a bit of my current obsession and fell asleep around 5pm. Although I didn't really want to wake up at 6, I knew if I slept any longer I wouldn't be able to sleep that night, so after drifting in and out for another half hour, I started watching some DVR. Shortly after 7, JB called me to say he was on his way home so I got up to start dinner. I wasn't even hungry, but knew he would be and I should probably put something healthy in my body that day. I felt a little better after dinner, but still lazy/tired and retreated back to the cozy bed to clear out more of the DVR. I have a "no-tv after 11" policy in the bedroom, and since I didn't feel like sleeping just yet, I read some more and rubbed JB's back as he dozed off. I tossed and turned until about 1am and finally fell into a fitful sleep, waking up this morning unrested.

And the cycle starts all over again.

Although during my lunch today I finally went shopping to fill my fridge and desk drawers at work with healthy, protein-filled snacks to hopefully help get my eating back on track. Since we have been struggling to get a grasp on all the new bills, I have been hesitating spending any money and just bringing stuff from home and leftovers for lunch. This has led to low energy levels, headaches, and lack of motivation for post-work workouts. At least I am hoping that is what's going on. Maybe my body is just doing it's best to fight off whatever the other 209 people in my office have been sharing.

I'm off to the grocery store to stock up on things at home. I'll try to muster up some energy to blog about the housewarming.