I don't know if people think I make up things so I don't have to hang out with them, or if they really don't understand how cluttered my schedule is, but people have a hard time letting me tell them no. I get questions, guilt trips, etc. when I tell people that I can't make it or say "possibly" and then later have to say no. I am not saying that my life is more special than someone else's, or more busy, but if I say no there is usually a valid reason.
During the week I "work" some variation of an 8-5 schedule. The past few months, I have been doing boot camp which requires an hour drive downtown from Folsom, an hour at boot camp, and a 30 minute drive home. This puts me home 3 nights a week somewhere between 7:30 and 8pm. I still have to prepare/eat dinner, shower, and get some kind of down time in before bed.
Every other week, I have a standing date with my friend K-Put. I work downtown every other Wednesday and we make it a point to get together at her place, have dinner, and catch up on the past couple of weeks. This works for both of us as it doesn't require extra driving for either of us, or spending much money. Rarely do we miss this and I appreciate that.
The last Friday of every month we have a "Ladies' Night" with all of the significant others from JB's group of friends. We have had out of town plans for the last couple of months on this night, so I have missed it, but I do look forward to seeing everyone and catching up over dinner/drinks.
As will often happen in the summer, the weekends are filled with travel plans. This is my fault, and I referred to this in my previous blog as well. Usually I make plans with whoever asks me first. My friends often joke that they have to get on my calendar months or even a year in advance, but it is what it is. I am working to make less plans out of town in order to be home more often.
Now, even if we are in town for the weekend, we usually have something going on one weekend day or the other that takes up at least half of our day, if not all of it. This usually leaves us 1/2 - 1 day to get every other thing we have on our list to do done, and maybe get a moment in of relaxation. We have been in our house for 7 months now and have yet to seal the grout or stain the fence. I need to catch up on balancing our accounts and paying bills. I need to rearrange the closet. We still have our regular housework to keep up on, etc.
So, the fact of the matter is, if I tell you "Sorry, I'm busy." that means I am either taking care of all those little things that pile up and I have no time to take care of, or more importantly, I am taking care of myself and my relationship. It's not because I have a better offer or that I just enjoy blowing people off. Fitting people in where I can is what fills up my calendar so quickly and leaves no room to take care of me. I enjoy my friends and my family and would spend all of my time with them if I could, but I wish they understood just how much I have going on and could expect less of me sometimes.
Lately I have been moody, exhausted, and generally lacking my usual lust for life. I want to stay in bed forever and blow off everything all together. I believe this is a result of burning the 3-wick candle at both ends. Sometimes I have to say "no" and I need to be okay with that, but so does everyone else.